In dating, we often search for our “happily ever after”—but is that a realistic or even healthy goal?

Marriage and long-term commitments aren’t always sunshine and rainbows, and we must anticipate the many challenges we’ll inevitably face. Even the healthiest relationships have rough patches.

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Not to mention, the idea of a “happily ever after” ending can imply dissatisfaction or unfulfillment in the present moment. Until we reach said goal, which in this case is usually a long-term relationship/marriage, we must be miserable and yearning for more.

Here are the downsides of “happily ever after” thinking—and how this mindset might tarnish a healthy, authentic connection.

1. It Causes You to Pathologize Normal Relationships

Dr.…