Hello you fine Internet folks, NVIDIA has published a 45-page whitepaper explaining Vera , its first server CPU built around the company’s own Olympus core. On paper, Vera is a fascinating chip with an 88-core monolithic compute die, Olympus being a 10-wide Arm v9.2 core that has value prediction, a graph prefetcher, 2 MB of private L2 per core, 164 MB of shared last-level cache, and eight LPDDR5X memory interfaces promising 1.2 TB/s. Unfortunately, NVIDIA also spends a good part of the paper trying to turn those interesting design choices into a morality play about x86. Traditional simultaneous multithreading is drawn as time-slicing, a configurable NUMA topology is presented as an unavoidable 32-node maze, four SPEC components become “agentic benchmarks,” undefined performance-counter ratios are promoted as causal proof, and an unlabeled pictogram becomes a 1.8x reinforcement-learning result.…