How to Do It

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How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

My boyfriend and I recently talked about opening up to the occasional third in joining us for sex. The conversation was really fun itself; it felt like sharing a fantasy together, and we’re both excited about trying it out.

The problem is that over time I’ve come to realize that the reason for most of my lackluster sex before meeting him was that I’m more attracted to people and into sex if I have a good friendship going with the person before we go there. For example, my boyfriend and I were pretty good friends for about a year before either of us made a move.…