As if South Florida—and half the country along with it—weren’t sinking into the sea fast enough, Florida is currently experiencing the biggest tides on record. “All signs point to this week’s king tide as the highest in South Florida’s history,” writes the venerable Miami Herald as the region is laid bare by strong onshore winds and full-moon tides.

It’s “bulldozing water onto the coast,” University of Miami Rosenstiel School of Marine and Atmospheric Research senior research associate Brian McNoldy told the Herald . “This is the highest king tide we’ve ever had.…