Well, there’s something new. Football: now available in new, genuinely heartwarming flavour.

There was a lovely moment at London’s Palladium theatre on Monday, with the clock creeping towards 11pm at the end of a startlingly shrill and bloated evening of never‑ending awards and never-ending award‑related excitement.

Not just for Harry Kane, who is now the 2026 men’s Ballon d’Or winner , and in the process placed indelibly in that lineage of elite footballers. But also, frankly, for anyone watching, as Kane stood on stage gazing a little shyly at his golden orb, and kicked off his speech by thanking everyone, paying tribute to everyone, everywhere, then finally cracking into tears and a strangled croak as he thanked his parents for sacrifices made, his wife for always being there, and even, in slightly jarring vibe-shift from the warm honeyed tone, José Mourinho.

Harry Kane triumphs with historic Ballon d’Or win - The Latest

Even Kane’s biggest advocates will rarely claim their man is one of a kind, sui…