Dirty talk sounds easy until you actually have to do it. Suddenly that sexy line that sounded effortless in your head feels embarrassing coming out of your mouth. Are you supposed to narrate what you’re doing? Tell your partner exactly what you want? And how explicit is too explicit?

If you feel frozen when you or a partner tries to initiate dirty talk during sex, you’re not alone. “Dirty talk can feel awkward because it is not something many of us practice,” says certified sex therapist Ilina Grines , LMFT. Oftentimes when we put words to desires we aren’t used to expressing out loud, “there is some shame or feelings of judgment that follow. As a clinician, I have found that the more people talk ‘dirty,’ the more comfortable they become with the act of dirty talk during or outside of sex.”

Most of us weren’t taught how to talk about physical pleasure. So many of us don’t have strong vocabulary around it, or know how to start using dirty talk to make sex hotter and tell our partners what we like.…