This is not a self pity post or anything. I genuinely just am at a point where idk what to do with my life. I recently completed my masters in pure maths from Paris and I'll potentially be beginning a PhD soon in the field of general relativity, mostly looking at wave equations. I don't want to talk too much about my topic but the point is that throughout my entire life, I have only known pure maths. Unfortunately I was very stupid and never learnt things like coding, proper command of probability or even statistics. I only did enough to pass those courses during my undergraduate degree and now I'm at a point where I can't even look at these things without the thought that I have to relearn every single thing.

My main problem right now is that I'm a mediocre student. I have always wanted to pursue maths and then become a professor and do research, though I've mostly been interested in the teaching aspect.…