How to Do It

This isn’t the first time.

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How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a 40-year-old woman, and I need some advice on how to deal with a situation with my husband, a 45-year-old man. My husband is having some medical issues, which mean penis-in-vagina sex is off the table for a bit, which is not a problem. We recently had a date night and afterwards were fooling around (oral and manual for me), and when I was done and feeling some friction and dryness, I stopped, explained to my husband, and asked that he not touch me there, and we kissed.

Seconds later, I had to physically remove his hand from my vulva. I expressed disappointment and anger in the moment, explained that this is a huge issue—I said no!…