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The Hidden Psychology of Toxic Relationships

Anas Khan

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There’s a particular kind of confusion that comes from loving someone who hurts you. It doesn’t announce itself the way a broken bone does. It creeps in slowly, disguised as self-doubt, as "maybe I’m overreacting," as the quiet exhaustion of trying to be good enough for someone who keeps moving the goalposts. Most people who have lived through a toxic relationship don’t recognize it while they’re inside it. They only see the shape of it clearly once they’ve left — and even then, understanding why it happened, and why it was so hard to walk away, can take years.

This isn’t really an article about red flags. Lists of red flags are everywhere, and most people who’ve been in a toxic relationship could recite them in their sleep.…