CW: mention of self-harm

I started hitting myself and couldn’t stop. I was so frustrated because I couldn’t scream or cry (I live with roommates).

Everything—the smell of cigarette smoke, the sound of coughing, the sound of the doors, the big light being turned and left on, EVERYTHING—in the house was just too much.

And I wanted to cut myself (like, REALLY wanted to) for the first time in years because I just needed the energy OUT.

I have been having to regulate away from the house. I have had to climb mountains, go to a free dance class, get inside of a waterfall, etc. to just fucking calm down.

But, I made this ! And I didn’t relapse into cutting today. Which is a really fucking big win with where I’m at.

I really hope I can live alone soon. A guy can dream, I guess. I am so fucking tired of living with people. It’s like… like the soda bottle has been shaken for Y E A R S (I’ve almost always had roommates) and I am finally fucking exploding internally.

Fuck.

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