Adam Peterson Makes the Case for Sexual Desire in Space

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For centuries, sailors enduring months-long voyages would gaze out at sea mammals sunning themselves and think the thought as old as thought itself:

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“Would.”

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Even famously reliable Christopher Columbus—[jerkoff hand motion]—claims in his journal to have seen mermaids (almost certainly half-ton, gray-skinned manatees) though the legend goes much further back. Seductive aquatic creatures luring sailors to a watery death is a story that pretty much originated with sailing itself. Isolate men on a ship, send them into a vast and vacant sea, and, well, they’re going to see some stuff. Anyone watching is going to see some stuff.

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Some stuff is going to happen.

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This frustrated, misdirected desire isn’t something unique to sailors or men, and it’s not something that went away with better vision care.…