In a perfect world, gender roles wouldn’t exist because there wouldn’t be a patriarchy to uphold them. But in this reality that we’re a part of, women earn significantly less money, are much more at risk of emotional and physical harm by partnering with men, and still do more of the unpaid work that keeps a household running. So, yes, in this unfortunate reality, I personally do expect more of a man when it comes to heterosexual dating. It’s not exactly about wanting to be spoiled (although yes—yes, I do) but rather wanting a partner who understands what women risk when we show up and who meets that with effort instead of entitlement.

So you might understand why it’s frustrating that these days, men are showing up a bit differently in the dating trenches.

Online, I’ve seen countless women sharing their experiences with what I’m now calling “bratty men.” They’re demanding to have their meals paid for, that women drive them around, and whatever this is.…