You know the feeling. You go to an event, you push yourself, and somehow it works. You talk to three people, one of them laughs at your joke, and you walk out thinking this is it, I finally cracked it.

Then two days later you are back in a meeting with your stomach in a knot, saying nothing. It feels like the confidence was borrowed and someone came and took it back.

I used to think that meant something was wrong with me. I once spent four hours in Chicago working up the nerve to talk to one stranger. When I finally did it, I felt amazing for about a day. Then it was gone, and I was right back where I started.

Here is what I eventually figured out.

Your brain is not keeping score of your best night. It is keeping score of your average day.

There is a part of your brain called the reticular activating system, the RAS. Its job is to filter the flood of information around you and decide what is worth noticing.…