A conversation with my cousin changed the way I see my relationship with my brother.

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Last summer, at my uncle’s 60th birthday party, I remember sitting in a hotel room with my cousin complaining about my brother.

I was listing every moment I felt let down by him.

How the night before my wedding, he had a 9 PM dinner reservation and barely helped set anything up. How growing up, he never stood up for me when my parents said no to things I desperately wanted — like my prom afterparty. How he never really had my back the way I imagined an older brother should.

And the thing was, I always felt like I had his.

When he and his wife got a dog, I supported them immediately even when the rest of the family had opinions. I had his back when he was vomiting in the backseat after a high school party.…