How to Do It

Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Image Source/iStock/Getty Images Plus.

Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we’re diving into the How to Do It archives to share classic letters with our readers. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear How to Do It,

My boyfriend and I have a very satisfying sex life, but lately he has been doing something that really bothers me. I love playing scenarios, and with former partners spent a good amount of time talking about who we ’ d like to be and what we ’ d like to do. But my boyfriend prefers improv and just seeing where it takes us.

It has taken us to some unexpected, yet interesting places, and I’ve done things I never would have agreed to had we discussed it ahead of time. I ’ ve discovered my threshold for pain is greater than I realized, and it has resulted in some of the best orgasms I ’ ve ever had.

My problem is not what he does to me but why.…