Truth be told, I probably understand a little less now than when I turned 50. When I was 20 I knew practically everything. Now I know that many of my abilities are not quite what they were: my backhand overhead volley, unreliable at the best of times, will never win a point again, even as a fluke. No longer can I convincingly pull off interpretative jazz ballet; it’s character roles at best from now on. Doddery colonel, ageing archduke, that kind of thing.

My memory for names is worsening by the minute. Concerned, I sought advice from a medical acquaintance – I can see his face – and he told me I had Nominal Aphasia, a common condition which makes remembering names more difficult. Nothing to worry about, it comes with age. It’s only when you develop Everything Aphasia that things become problematic.

I do understand that the internet has failed on every moral and ethical level, delivering on none of its major promises except providing some slight convenience in the retail experience.…