How to Do It

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Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we’re diving into the How to Do It archives to share classic letters with our readers. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear How to Do It,

Six months ago, my husband and I (25 years married) found a framework for our sex life that has allowed us to be, if not on the same page, then at least in the same story, sex-wise. I have come out as asexual, and he has realized that he has a special fetish (about which he previously has felt some shame). We have been able to follow the advice we found online and have certain interactions that are not sexual for me, but due to his fetish, very erotic for him. This is great, especially for him! We find one time per week for this non-sex sex, plus from time to time, I cuddle him while he masturbates.…