W hat are you stockpiling? Wes Streeting says we need water and food to last 72 hours in case of national emergency, as well as wind-up radios so that we can check in on how the apocalypse is developing in Ambridge. Personally, I have a two-week supply of jokes about the government that I can draw upon even as the zombies break down my front door.

Andy Burnham, far from stockpiling, is busy chucking stuff out. This week Labour’s much cherished commitment not to allow new drilling for oil and gas in the North Sea went into the skip round the back of Downing Street, where it lies next to a complete set of European Union red lines, a plan for digital ID and a signed photograph of Peter Mandelson.

Tory frontbenchers waved their hands in amazement as the prime minister explained that the government is now in favour of dashing for gas.…