As we recuperate from Halloween, American families either dread or eagerly anticipate the even more gluttonous holiday that is Thanksgiving. A couple of years ago, we dutifully reported that 46 million turkeys are consumed annually during Thanksgiving meals. But watch the turkey so human that he’ll want to make you think before you gobble up another one of his kind.

Stewart the turkey lives with his loving family, which includes a variety of other animals; and in multiple videos posted by his human caretakers, his love for soccer can clearly be observed. He likes to shake his tail feathers and play with the ball, which has been cutely dubbed his “girlfriend.”

Videos by VICE

Stewart is not only a regular Erling Haaland but also a real comedian — in one video he spread his feathers, as if courting a pretty female, for a pair of Crocs. Stewart might just be the only intelligent being on the planet who finds Crocs sexy, but it’s always good when a provocateur comes along to challenge public opinion.…