How to Do It

I don’t have a game plan.

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How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

A few months ago, I realized that I was nonbinary instead of a cis woman. Since then, a lot of aspects of my sexuality have come into question and been discovered (realizing certain kinks, for example). Recently, I have started to struggle with my attraction to men.

I have always identified as bisexual, but sex with my husband has been leaving me dysphoric. I don’t feel like I can separate out my identity from the idea of having sex with men in general. I still feel attraction to men, but it’s very abstract now, and I can’t even self-insert into a typical masturbation fantasy.…