Care and Feeding

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Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

There’s no way to say this that doesn’t make me sound like a bad guy. Ten years ago, I saw a sex worker (an independent lady who worked out of her home) while my then-wife was pregnant. The sex worker got pregnant, too. I’m not sure how many other guys were ordered to take a paternity test, but I was, and I drew the short straw. My wife was prepared to forgive me for cheating, but she filed for divorce when the other kid turned out to be mine. I now have two 9-year-old daughters, “Amelia,” by my ex-wife and “Bianca,” by the other lady.

I also have a nine-year-old vasectomy, because as soon as it was clear my wife was not coming back, I was determined not to divide my parental resources any further.…