Care and Feeding

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Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

I have two daughters, “Lindsey” (6) and “Haley” (4). My mother lives nearby, and I’ve noticed that there is a difference in how she treats my two daughters. She’s become more and more distant with Haley, and I think I know why.

I’m the oldest of four siblings. When I was pregnant with Lindsey, my sister, “Jackie,” died after being hit by a drunk driver while she was crossing the street. Haley looks strikingly similar to Jackie, and as she grows, the resemblance grows more obvious. They share a lot of physical features, and they also share a lot of mannerisms and generally have the same temperament.

I think the difference between how my mother treats Haley and how she treats Lindsey (who is the spitting image of my husband) is because Haley looks like Jackie.…