Since about 21:15 UTC today (Oct 22), none of my 2nd-gen Cloud Functions in us-central1 can start a new instance.

What I'm seeing:

- Instances that were already warm keep serving fine.

- Anything that needs a NEW instance gets an instant HTTP 500 (0s latency), with no "Starting new instance" line in the logs.

- Scheduled functions fail too (Cloud Scheduler run returned 500).

- Redeploying doesn't help: deploys fail with "Container Healthcheck failed ... failed to start and listen on PORT=8080", and the container logs nothing at all, so it never actually runs.

Ruled out:

- Affects 15+ projects across two separate Google accounts and four billing accounts, with and without an org, so not a project setting.

- No quota-exceeded events, billing active everywhere, no config/IAM changes.

- Reproduces from two different networks.

Nothing on the Google Cloud or Firebase status pages yet.…