This may seem trivial but you don’t know, he was the only thing that brought me joy these times. I really want to not believe in that but my intrusive thoughts have convinced me that he’s doing sa/ his whole story is allegory of a person saing another one who doesn’t know he’s being saedand accepts it due to social conditioning on both sides. I can’t debunk it on my own, intrusive thoughts are really good on defending this one. The result is that he was my fav character and I can’t even like him anymore without “facts” of those intrusI’ve thoughts kicking in bc I’m very convinced BUT I DON’t WANT TO BE.

”Maybe you are just bored” IM NOT BORED. I WANT TO LOVE HIM. THOSE THOUGHTS WONT STOP. I wish there was a way to forget and be the person before that thought hit.

My whole energy is gone. I can’t walk properly due to sadness. My whole appetite is gone. I’m too much of a coward to do *that* and I love living.…