The worst thing about having a human boss was definitely the year-end parties. Not that work retreats were any better. And don’t get me started on the retirement parties.

But year-end parties were always a nightmare of speeches, gag gifts and forced jokes. Who wants to be included in all that, anyway? I’m a robot, remember?

I just wanted to go home and recharge my batteries. Literally.

And I had a bad feeling about this year. And this new boss, too. Albert. Human. Relentlessly cheerful. And now walking straight towards me with a smile and an outstretched arm.

“9K!” Albert exclaimed, grinning as though my appearance were a personal gift. “You made it! Fantastic! Doesn’t it feel good to unwind for a bit?”

“It feels like a moderate waste of company funds,” I said, keeping my voice flat — something robots can be very good at.

He laughed anyway, clapping me on the shoulder — an action that left a faint grease mark on my polished chest plate. “Always the joker!…