Realizing that I’m probably going to be stuck the way I am forever because of how much I hate the idea of getting any help. There’s no logical or rational explanation for it either, I just refuse to let anyone or anything help me, mostly. I’ve been on lexapro for a few months and it hasn’t done shit except make me emotionally numb, and I’ve grown to hate these stupid pills with a passion. I desperately want to flush them and I don’t even know why. The only thing that’s stopping me is the nausea I’ll get from it. I refuse to go to therapy because I don’t believe they have anything to offer me, and I feel if I say the wrong thing they’ll just throw me in a psych ward where I will become even worse. I have a history of self harm and I don’t feel like discussing it with a therapist at all. I have a horrible problem with self isolating and pushing everyone away from me and it’s destroying my relationship with my partner. I hate everyone but at the same time I’m extremely lonely.…