The past 4 Halloweens have been pretty miserable for me. I’ve either been (willingly) alone and made no plans, only to regret it later, or so anxious at the last minute that I flake out on my friends.

Me, my girlfriend, and some friends are heading out of town to go bar hopping this Halloween, and every time I think about it my mood gets ruined. I’m so scared I’m gonna freak out and want to be alone again - only there’d be nowhere for me to run, and again, I’d probably regret it later. I never want to confide in my friends because I don’t want to bring down their fun.

I seriously don’t know why I react this way and it freaks me out. I act similarly about my birthday, of which I begged everyone to leave me alone for my 21st, and again , I seriously regretted it. I’d get a therapist about all of this, but it’s not a very viable option at the moment (unsupportive parents, still on their insurance). Anyone else feel this way about holidays? Or have had similar reactions to big plans?…