r/mentalhealth

6h ago

u/Even-Bread-5157

NSFW

I fantasize about mutilating my own dead body when I spiral

I’ve never told anyone this. I can’t. They wouldn’t understand. I don’t understand. Sometimes when I feel I’ve fucked up or done something stupid I go into what almost feels like a mix of an anxiety attack and a psychotic episode. It’s like my thoughts amplify into a tornado of voices telling me over and over that I’m stupid, worthless, a failure, a fuckup, dozens of overlapping and repeating screaming whispers. They’re not auditory hallucinations, they’re more like a whirlwind of dozens of intrusive thoughts that gets so bad I can’t focus on anything else. My head and shoulder will shake and jerk quickly and repeatedly. Yesterday at work I just said a joke that didn’t land and saw it made things awkward for only like a minute and for the next 2.5 hours I spiraled out of control mentally.…