To be honest, I've realised most of my serious sh/ distractive/sabotaging actions come from being 100% sure I don't deserve proper life, love, or i wont made it in life.

I've always had troubles with it, in childhood i was verbally abused my couches and sometimes physically. My mother, despite knowing didn't help, saying it's because i made them say that and i should try better. Self image, when guys starting liking girls, but i never once was something eye catching. Constant weight comments from family. As well as disbelief about being competent person.

While i am trying my best with self image, and i had conversation with people who do view me as attractive, what I can't manage to fix is my opinion on my abilities to live as a competent and independent person. Cooking, knowledge, cleaning, talking, financial stuff. Every time i try and manage something, it wasn't enough. At the end, i find myself in a position that i don't want to try. And it's making my life worse.…