i have no one to talk to. talking to people doesnt feel good to me. yet i talk and talk to the point of literally pissing people off all the time. every time i open up to my friends/family, the relief is momentary. ever since i was little, and this will sound psychopathic (lowkey is), i just wanted people to be worried about me. i don’t know what it is. i wanted to contract some incurable disease that made everyone feel bad for me and take care of me or something.

honestly i kinda manifested that shit. i’ve always been a sickly human but i am now also clumsy and anxious all the time. i had knee surgery almost a year ago. month after that i freaked the fuck out and i’ve been feeling at my wits end almost every day after that. i might me self diagnosing this rn but i have had the worst shoulder/neck/arm pains and i think it’s just because i’m worried all the time. i‘ve been going to all sorts of treatments that insurance covers (even therapy) nothing has worked yet. and guess what! nobody feels bad for me.…