T he weather lately has been as temperamental as peas in pods. But peas are even harder to read than the sky: some pods contain sweet things no bigger than peppercorns, which explode when you bite them; the contents of others, however, are closer to small ball bearings, their size very likely a sign that all the natural sucrose has been metabolised and transformed to pea starch. The best thing for the tiny ones is to snack on them alongside a bit of cheese, whereas the path for big ones is the same as for dried peas, so pea and ham soup or a long-simmered puree.

Prepared for all the above, I first checked that there were frozen peas in the freezer. It was a packet I used to take for granted until, aged 14 and having finished all the biscuits, crisps, cereal and milk, I decided that peas were a decent late-night desperation snack.…